Sometimes, life didn’t go the way that we planned and we are forced to change our game plan based on the situation that we got. Sometimes, it is so much harder to force yourself to take that step simply because the journey seemed long and you think that you can’t make it…The more you wanted things to happen for you, I realize the journey gets harder and harder..I learn it now…

People will always be judgemental towards you, one way or another..Even the people who are really close to you..Even your friends, even your cousins, even your aunts and uncles, even your own best friend, even your own family..We all took the pleasure in others’ expenses and yet, the joke is really on us..We’re the clown..

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote for my blog..Don’t hate me,I WAS LAZY!!!hehehe..anyway,just a little peak into what I’ve been up to right now..

I am an YOUTUBE Addict..Official Member of It..Love the vids,Love the people,Love the Vlogs..Love EVERYTHING ON the TUBE!!!So,yeah..That is one thing I’ve been doing right now…

I am a HR Exec now in HELP Uni College..Yeah,I know right…How that happened??I have no idea but it just happened and I’m glad that it did..I got a job now,less annoying parents (no buzzing about me getting a job anymore), a little less dependent on parents’ money which makes me really happy :))
I’m obsessing someone online…Literally!!I watch “that person” videos everyday and if I’m not,I’ll be cranky tomorrow..I googled,I opened every single web that has “that person” name on it..Every single one of them!!!I know..I’m officially a stalker…Too bad, “that person” in Canada though..Wish we could be friends..Perhaps more than that,online..hehehe…Just kidding..I’m not that “evil” and I don’t do online relationships..Never could,because I don’t trust people in front of my eyes,let alone some strangers I meet online..It won’t work..

What else??Oh yeah,I have this habit of waking up really early in the morning even when I’m not working..Stop,it’s not healthy!!You’re supposed to relax,it’s weekend..Don’t worry too much…and yeah,just chill!!!Which kinda explain why I’m not doing anything on my blog nowadays :p

Ok,that’s it..The update…

It’s true if we say that the situation in our politics arena nowadays is critical and unstable.Too dirty and too much to handle sometimes and true,I got sick from it but refuse to let it go because I have so much faith that there is purity and goodness in it amidst all those confusion,dirtiness and insecurity.Someone who is genuine and sincere and place the people’s best interest in heart.

Sadly,there aren’t so many Mahathir in our politics..Too many dumbasses..Karpal Singh, Anwar and even Abdullah Badawi..Too many of them and so little of Mahathir..And to think that we as a country are facing the worst recession ever and this is not the time for us to turn against each other and fight over who’s wrong or right.This is the time for togetherness and helping each other,the way that we always did when we were facing our darkest hours.People are cutting out of work and desperate for stability and assurance that they could survive and our politicians are arguing about saving their own asses??What a bull..Shame on them..

Tonight,I was arguing with my auntie because of our different political views..I could accept some of hers but it doesn’t mean that my take on the issue is any less important..Just because I’m young and I never been to any other countries to know that here in home,we are lacking in so many levels,it doesn’t mean that I’m not right either..Just because I don’t live in Australia and never been there,it doesn’t mean that we,the Malaysians are that bad…That left behind..That low..I’m sorry,Auntie but I have to disagree..You cannot live for a while in one place and simply put your judgement that Australia is so much better than Malaysia..Yes,we are not perfect..Yes,we’re not “NEGARA MAJU” and yes,we’re a little left behind but to say that Autralians is better,as in morality and mentality than Malaysians..That I have to object..How can a person say that “Oh Australians are nice people.They don’t judge people based on their salaries,positions,educations,looks.They treat you as human being and they don’t look down on people.They’re not materialistic.You could have your degree and still working at the super market or tukang sapu.How about you,Ira..Would you be a tukang sapu with your degree?I’m materialistics because I live in Malaysia.” In my opinion,she’s the one who is being judgemental towards people and not me,even I don’t live in Australia and I live in Malaysia..I think that in a way,human are all the same,emotionally..We’re the same no matter where we live..Did she really think that Australians really that nice,did she?I think that’s naive..No offence for any Australians..I think that they are great people but they’re not all angels..and about me working as tukang sapu or whatever…If I could aim higher..Why don’t I?Really,how are we going to be MAJU if we don’t want to push ourselves a little bit harder to have more..We have that options and opportunity..Why would I want to settle for anything less?Arrghhh…I agree to disagree but I can’t stand if someone simply accusing that we’re, the “Malaysians” are somewhat less than anybody else in this entire world..I think we’re awesome..And we’re perfectly imperfect and that’s what I love and proud of being a Malaysian..We’re unique in our own way..

What you have to say about this,auntie??

Arrghhh…for the last couple of weeks,I become one of those no-life-people, me getting up for work, me work, me going back from work,me eat dinner and me sleep..And on weekends, me getting up for tidying up my room,me housechores and me driver..When will I ever be Shairah as in Shairah alone without all these defining roles..Seriously!!!I beg for one day when I could just enjoying myself,hanging around and relax without noices behind my back telling me that I need to do my laundry,the dishes and ironing the clothes a.k.a my mom..The thing is,I don’t mind doing all that because I want to do that but when someone shouts it out for me,I rebel..I refuse to comply until I do it my way..I’ll get it done but don’t push me around..I mean,what am I chasing for doing all that ASAP…It’s weekend,we’re not supposed to rush into anything because we already go through that all week..Give us a break..Sometimes,I feel like moving out from the house but thinking about spending RM600 on rental alone..I’ll have to think twice..I’m not financially prepared for that..So,yeah..I’m thinking about asking Ina’s out or maybe Nages..Watch some movie or have fun..I don’t know..Maybe..But since Mai’s sick right now..She has fever and Aman got 5 days off from PLKN since he got chicken pox..I don’t think I could enjoy myself while them being sick..So,my weekends suck..

I NEED ME TIME..IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU OR US..IT’S ABOUT ME..

SO,YEAH..I’M SELFISH..BUT AREN’T WE ALL?

I heard this line from a spanish drama series and I really love the line that I would like to share it with you..

“As many slepless nights as one can dedicate to rethinking their past love life, the reality is you’ll find few solutions. You can try and repair any relationship but the end result will always be the same. In one moment, it’ll shatter into pieces like so many have before. Because a person is who he is and it’s not easy to stop being who you are to love someone. It’s like a fight that you’ve lost before it’s even begun. That’s why the best thing that could happen would be for relationships to come with expiration dates. Like on yogurts. That way we’d know beforehand when the end would come. And we wouldn’t waste time on insecurities, suspicions or arguements. We’d dedicate ourselves to cherishing every single moment until the last possible second. But if you think about it, the good thing about not having expiration dates is that it allows us to keep dreaming that, this time, the yogurt will last forever.”

The truth is the thing that scares me the most about relationship is not the commitment parts of it but about being consumed with how I feel about this other person and I’ll lose me along the way..I’m scared if I lose a sense of who I am, I’ll become none..I’ll become invisible..I’ll become fragile and weak..and it’s not healty in any relationship, be it with your partner or your friends..I think that it is really important that you could identify who you are when you surround yourself with other people because in that way, only in that way, you could stay true to yourself..So, it’s ok to have different views, opinions, lifestyles and perhaps, religion but what’s not ok is that you have to be someone else just to please anybody else..and if being you is not acceptable then maybe, they’re just not the type of people you should hang out with or be with..As much as love could prevails, I think I’ll pass for my self-respect..

I’m not saying that I’m the best role model for Islamic image or anything like that..I’m not perfect,I have flaws and I even sin but here it is,guys..When someone burns out your home,killing your families and take away your freedom,YOU can bet your ASS that I am not gonna stand still..And this is my question for you,WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF IT HAPPENS TO YOU?

I know,could a person as small and insignificant as I am could make an impact to the world?And the only reasonable answer would be NO but I don’t want to make an excuse to stand back and be silent about it..

“Even the smallest voice against the big world has a place to be heard and YOU KNOW WHAT,I THINK THAT IT’S TIME FOR OURS TO BE HEARD..JOIN THE MOVEMENT AND DON’T HESITATE..GOD BLESS YOU ALL.”

SAVE PALESTINE!!!THE HELL WITH JEWS AND AMERICA!!!

The list of America’s and Israel’s products can be viewed in this link :

http://www.firdaus.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=165

GO CHECK IT OUT AND PLEASE REMEMBER THIS WHENEVER YOU PURCHASE THE GOODS

SAVE PALESTINE!!!

Inspired by Fly FM, I came up with few of my useless resolutions:

1. Wanting to quit eating chocolates way too much but,heck I’m a girl and girls ALWAYS…ALWAYS need their chocolates.

2. To be more sociable but guess what,I’m not like that.I’m just not.

3. Train my chickens to calm down a little bit when I’m feeding them but they’re animals..What else in their minds except food and more food?

4. Wanting to stop worrying too much but looks like I’m always into troubles so I couldn’t stop worrying.

5. Daydreaming that one day I would marry someone’s rich.

6. Planning what I wanted to do with the money that I don’t even have yet.

7. Wanting a BIG teddy bear for my birthday next year…Not gonna happen unless I find someone who’s willing to buy it for me or I’d buy it myself.

8. Hoping that there’s a HERO to save me everytime I’m in trouble..This time around,I’m saving myself..

9. World peace?Yeah,right..

10. Better person?What that supposed to mean anyway?We’re never enough each and every year?

Well,that’s pretty much what I think..What do you guys think?Pretty cool to let me know..

Somehow,I guess I lost myself along the way and I felt for a long time that I can’t be happy..I only deserve to be miserable..and I let my fear conquered me and it succeed and then I realize I don’t have to be fearful anymore..Fear of my own shadow of success that I’ve gained throughtout my entire life..I’m thankful for them..I am blessed with all God’s gifts to my life and yes,I am at my lowest point at the moment but I can’t let that stop me now..Not when I’m feeling like reaching the stars..Not when I have all these visions on how my life should be..Not when I’m feeling like myself again..I promised myself long ago that I won’t let negativity rules my life and yet,I let it..It’s very tempting to just give in because in that way,you won’t take responsiblity for it..And I’m not like that..I refuse to be one..I told a friend that it’s not that I feel insecure about not getting a job yet but I feel hopeless to fight this version of Shairah that I don’t like and it’s really hard to fight her because she really is sturborn and strong and just don’t care about anything and everything but herself but I’m tired with all her whines and sighs and uuhhhh and can’ts and don’ts…Well,I’m not saying that I could fight her 100% but I wanna give my best shot..I’m just tired of that..Like a phase that I heard,”Be the change you want to see.” Those changes start right now..No more doubts..No more ifs..No more I can’t…I’m done with them..I’m done…

The last time I was in Penang was like when I was 10,11..That was ages ago and wow,Penang has certainly changed since then..We were leaving at 830pm and I felt like it was the longest journey ever..The last time we took the night trip was when we went to Langkawi and that was when I was 12,so it was much easier when you were younger and smaller..hehehe…I had to share the backseat with Azri which means that he would took up 3/4  of the space including my thigh as his pillow..So,I had to cramp my body a little bit to give myself some space and imagine cramping yourself for 3 hours..After that,I spent 2 hours becoming the driver’s assistant..Fyi,Mai was driving up until Sg Perak..and we came to some encounters during the way..First,a motocyclist fell onto the road in front of us..Probably because it was raining that night…Thank God,he was unharm..and then,there was an accident after a toll at Ipoh involving two cars..One of the victims was in the middle of the road and thankfully,Mai was driving slowly and she managed to avoid hitting the guy…by mere seconds..It was a dangerous path from Ipoh to Taiping…Luckily,Abah took over after we stopped at Sg Perak and he drove all the way..I wish we would cross over the Penang bridge during the way because at night,we didnt see anything..Still,I always love the bridge..We were staying at ….err,dont remember how it spells..Opppss…but the view was breathtaking..I love the sea view..We arrived at 215am at the hotel and went straight to bed..The next day,we spent the whole day,just driving around the island..and shopping!!!I love the night market at Batu Feringgi…buy some stuff there…and the next day,Mai and I had to fly home since she has to go to work on Monday…I am so freaking jealous of Aman since he got to do the parachute thingy at the beach..Always wanted to do that!!!So,here I am writing at home while the family having fun at Penang..hehehe..Point to self : Definitely want to go there again!!

I watched re-run of Amazing Race Asia Season 3 today and although I must admit that I was a little bit dissapointed that Ida and Tania finished third but I enjoyed watching how they pushed and brought out the best from each other…Kinda explain why I love them so much because they reminded me of Balqis and I..The first time I met Bal when we were in our orientation week, I thought to myself, “Cina mana sesat kat UiTM ni??”…hehehe…and the truth is,we were not the closest of friends throughout diploma years even though she was my roomate…since I had my own “clicks” and she was with other people…She always popular in class and seniors and lecturers…and I thought to myself, “I don’t like popular people”…But,don’t get me wrong..We did get along just fine…I never knew that, fate has another story for us…We both became roomates again during our first semester for degree…Only this time,it just the two of us..During that period,I had a chance to get to know her better..Turned out that popular people is not that bad…I mean,I’m not Ms Perfect neither,right? Ever since we became roomates, we got closer than ever…Life was good until the truth hit me and it hit me hard..Bal flown away to Australia which is 6616 kilometers or 4111 miles or 3572 nautical miles away from home…At first,I thought that, “No,it’s not going to work..She’ll be meeting new friends,settled down and forgets me.” I cried every single night when I was thinking that I’m going to lose my best friend…A term that is not familiar with me since my first best friend broke my heart when I was in Year 6..I know,I know..that was ages ago..but it did leave me with some scars..Life is not easy for the two of us for the first few months but the distance do make us stronger..On the contrary to many beliefs,we made our friendship works..Bal probably the strangest person I ever met..I do meet strange people but she’s the strangest..Only because,she has unique taste in everything..Food,movies,songs,boys..you named it..Different views than mine…The most forgetful person and also the sweetest (she probably gonna freak when I said that)…and the most misunderstood…and the loudest and most harworking person and the frankiest-straight-to-your-face and also the bestest of friend…We do have our lowest moments though..Driving each other crazy and all those fights..Being with Bal,you must be prepared for the rollercoaster of your life…One moment, we were hihihaha..and the next,we pulled each other’s hair…Still,I love riding the ride with her because I know that at the end of the day,when I need someone to pull my spirits up when I am at my lowest low,I wouldn’t trust anyone but her…Seeing her working so hard and achieve so much,makes me so proud of her…and I bet,Bal..If we were in Amazing Race Asia,we’ll be kicking butts too…We might finish on top since you are so good with the direction,I’m good with the driving..You have travelling experiences that will help us a lot while I probably do something in the show..hehehe…Amazing Race Asia 6,perhaps? 

bIG hUGS FOr BaLQis \    (    ^  ^    )     /